Jemma met Niall when she was 15. The relationship was controlling from the very start.
“From day one things weren’t good. He constantly belittled me, bullied me, isolated me from family and friends and treated me horribly but I didn’t understand what a ‘good’ relationship looked like. I had no one to tell me any different. I thought that was the way people lived.”
Jemma became a mum early in her young life and went on to have more children with Niall. She struggled to cope with the exhausting demands of motherhood and being in an abusive relationship. Social services became involved, worried about some of the things happening in the house but Jemma stayed, too scared to leave but also not realising how serious things were.
“I was his robot. All my confidence was stripped away. I did everything I was told to do because the consequences of not doing so were often too terrifying to think about.”
After a serious incident Niall was sent to prison. Jemma hoped this would be a clean break and managed to move to a new area. However, he continued to control her from prison.
“It actually got worse. He would demand I visit him constantly. I was too scared to say no. He would tell me that his friends were watching me, and they would constantly turn up out of the blue. I didn’t feel safe at all.”
After multiple house moves Jemma realised that she needed to make a radical break with her past.
“I asked my social worker for help. She told me about Fortalice and helped to find me and the kids a place in the refuge. When I arrived, we were given food, clothes, a warm safe room and most of all our freedom. I hadn’t had those things in a long time.”
Jemma spent a lot of time with family support workers in the refuge, who helped her to understand what had happened to her and spoke to social services on her behalf. She attended parenting courses that gave her newfound confidence and helped her to understand her children’s behaviour. She had the powerful realisation that her experiences related to her own childhood and what she needed to do differently.
“Fortalice has encouraged me to take control of my life. I never had any goals before I came here. Now I feel confident and able to voice my opinions. Having the strength to come here has been life changing for us as a family. No man is worth your mental health. If you need help, then reach out, support is there.”
*Names changed to protect confidentiality.
