“I can look out of the window now.”
Helen was trapped in an abusive relationship. Her partner, Mark, controlled everything she did, to the point where she wasn’t allowed to open the blinds in their home – that way no one could see her.
Over the three year relationship things got progressively worse and Helen became increasingly isolated from friends and family.
Everything had to be a certain way. I had to wear the right clothes, cook the right foods. I wasn’t allowed to see anyone. I had no access to bank cards or money. He constantly told me I was worthless and useless. He was paranoid that I was seeing other men and took my mobile phone away.
When Helen fell pregnant the abuse worsened. Alongside his verbal and emotional cruelty he began pushing her around. Mark was heavily built and physically imposing and the attacks became increasingly violent.
I didn’t know what to do. Sometimes I would lie in bed thinking about how on earth it had come to this and how I could leave. But at the same time I was sure that when the baby came that everything would be OK. I just wanted to keep our family together.
Things came to a head at the start of the coronavirus pandemic.
It got even worse. He was at home so much more. It was relentless. Then, a family member died. I was so upset. But instead of comforting me he was ranting and raving about me sleeping with the neighbour. When he went upstairs for a bath I took his phone and called my mum. She told me that I needed proper help. She said Fortalice had an online chat and to contact them as soon as I could.
The next morning when Mark went to work Helen took her child’s Ipad and loaded the live chat. She started telling her story and the advisor very quickly identified her as a high risk case. In the middle of the chat she received an email from Mark, asking why she wasn’t replying to previous emails – he had sent 5 in the hour he had been away from the house. He said he was returning home to see what she was doing.
I ran out of the house and jumped into the car. There was a 50 pence piece on the passenger seat and I grabbed it. I took it to the phone box over the road and phoned the 24 hour line at Fortalice. I was petrified. They were amazing, so calm and talked me through everything. I went back to the house, threw some things in a bag and left. I have never been back since.
Helen and her children moved in to refuge that same day.
I was made to feel welcome and safe. At first, I was overwhelmed but we soon settled in. They gave me and the children clothes and food and I had a support worker. I talked a lot about what had happened to us. My children received support too, and have made friends with other children in the refuge. I’ve seen a huge change in my daughter. She was so timid when she came here, and petrified of men, now she has started to find her voice.
After several months in refuge Helen is now looking to the future. Her support worker has helped her apply for a non-molestation order, which means Mark must stay away from her and her family by law.
Being here has changed our lives. I have met some of the strongest, most inspirational women. I am hoping to go back to college and would like to volunteer to help others who have gone through similar experiences.
Ultimately, I feel like I have been given another chance. I put my trust in Fortalice and they got me the help I need. I am going to grab my future with both hands.
*All names changed
